Shakedown, 1979
So, my favorite band is the Smashing Pumpkins. Towards the end of their career, right around the release of Adore, i believe, they played on VH1's Storyteller's show. It was a decent set, although they didn't play enough songs and i disagreed with the setlist. Anyway, for those not familiar with the format of the show, the whole point is that the artist tells the story behind the song before they play them. I was super excited by the prospect of having Billy Corgan explain the meanings being songs like Bullet With Butterfly Wings and Rhinoceros (explaining the title of Rhinoceros, Billy Corgan once said something vaguely like "well, ok, you used to date this girl, and she lived in this house that had a chandelier you really liked, which reminded you of a mansion you were once in, so you name the song rhinoceros."). Anyway, most of the explanations were ok, but not earth-shattering. However, Corgan explained 1979 in a way that has stuck with me since because it sort of perfectly matched a feeling I've had a lot in my life.
Billy described a time in his youth, perhaps in the year 1979, when he was out for a drive somewhere. And he remembers sitting in the car, waiting for a red light to turn green. And, for him, that moment sort of represented this feeling of sitting there, waiting for something, feeling like you're missing something, all the while being filled with anticipation for something, but having no idea what that something is. He tried to express this feeling in the song 1979. I mean, if you watch that video, it seems like that feeling is right there. I'll always remember the first time i saw that video, sitting in Kenny L.'s apartment. It's stuck in time for me, one of the ultimate moments of nostalgia that my life seems to consist of.
This was all brought back to me tonight because of something Jody said at dinner. Something about how she felt that she was missing something. I identify, i think, because i feel the same way. No matter what i'm doing, who i'm with, or how much fun i'm having, i always feel like there's something else i could be or should be doing. Maybe we all feel this way, hence the expression "the grass is always greener . . . ," but i wonder.
There's not really any point to any of this; time will continue it's inexorable march. Still, i wonder if Billy ever got what he was waiting for, or if i'm doomed to feel like i'm missing out for all eternity.
Billy described a time in his youth, perhaps in the year 1979, when he was out for a drive somewhere. And he remembers sitting in the car, waiting for a red light to turn green. And, for him, that moment sort of represented this feeling of sitting there, waiting for something, feeling like you're missing something, all the while being filled with anticipation for something, but having no idea what that something is. He tried to express this feeling in the song 1979. I mean, if you watch that video, it seems like that feeling is right there. I'll always remember the first time i saw that video, sitting in Kenny L.'s apartment. It's stuck in time for me, one of the ultimate moments of nostalgia that my life seems to consist of.
This was all brought back to me tonight because of something Jody said at dinner. Something about how she felt that she was missing something. I identify, i think, because i feel the same way. No matter what i'm doing, who i'm with, or how much fun i'm having, i always feel like there's something else i could be or should be doing. Maybe we all feel this way, hence the expression "the grass is always greener . . . ," but i wonder.
There's not really any point to any of this; time will continue it's inexorable march. Still, i wonder if Billy ever got what he was waiting for, or if i'm doomed to feel like i'm missing out for all eternity.
