Spring Break: Day One: Skunks and Antiques

I had never been through southern Illinois, really. Maybe the time I went to Cuba, Il. I don’t really remember. In any event, we went through Southern Illinois today and let me tell you: it fucking sucks. First, a review of the events to this point:

The pick ups were all smoothly executed. After a triumphant farewell meal at Burger King (after which a suitcase attacked Zachar) we departed. We drove through Rockford and then around Chicago. Eventually, we found ourselves driving through southern Illinois. We made the following observations:

1. There is a city called “Dix, IL”
2. There is a city called “Ina, IL.” We contorted this so that it became vagIna. Very clever by us.
3. There are a lot of skunks in southern Illinois. We arrived at this conclusion after we smelled no fewer than 4,877 dead skunks in the span of 4 hours.
4. In southern Illinois, there are 7 antique shops per person. There was actually a billboard that read: “5 Antique Malls at Exit xxx.” Five fucking antique malls in one strip mall?! There’s no reason for that to happen!!

Next, we fucking stopped in Metropolis! The home of fucking SUPERMAN. I have a picture to prove it:

Me and the Man of Steel himself.

Thing is, there was this giant fucking statue of Superman in what appeared to be a courtyard. So I stopped the car right in front of the thing and we got out. Later, we realized that I had actually stopped in an intersection. That was an interesting experience. The locals seemed to be pissed. We stopped at a Pizza Hut and ate. That was a good dinner.

Also, in the middle of nowhere, there was a giant cross.

Eventually, Ryan took over driving from me and we penetrated Kentucky. It was late, and I have no fucking memory of Kentucky except for one sign that read “KY Dam” and another that read “KY Lake.” We laughed at those. That is to say, those of us that were awake did. It was late.
It got fucking late and dark and the day ended and, really, we were nowhere near being near somewhere close to Miami.