You Know What There Aren't Enough Of?
Life-sized, painted, fiberglass cows. I know what you're thiking: "what kind of imbecile would want a stupid life-sized, painted, fiberglass cow?" Yeah, I thought that, too.
Fortunately, Madison, Wisconsin, has not gotten a life-sized, painted, fiberglass cow. That's good. Unfortunately, it has gotten 7 billion life-sized, painted, fiberglass cows. Why? Who the fuck knows. Who the fuck knows.
I'll tell you what, though, it's a great idea. Because if there's something that a town in Wisconsin needs, it's to increase its reputation for having an affinity for cows. Just in case people forget that we're all about cows here, they'll be reminded each time they walk past one of the life-sized, painted, fiberglass cows.
Now, some will respond that this is art. Well, that might be true. However, the effectiveness of that argument is somewhat reduced when you consider the fact that there are restrictions on how the artists can paint the cows: "Designs that are religious, political or sexual in nature will not be accepted." That's stupid. Sure, art's ok if it can be pretty, but it's at its best when it's saying something about something important, relevant, controversial - things like relgion, politics or sex. But not here in Madison. Here, we'd like it if you just painted a pretty, life-sized, fiberglass cow.
Now all we need is a giant bronze statue of an alcoholic and the stereotype reinforcement will be complete.
Fortunately, Madison, Wisconsin, has not gotten a life-sized, painted, fiberglass cow. That's good. Unfortunately, it has gotten 7 billion life-sized, painted, fiberglass cows. Why? Who the fuck knows. Who the fuck knows.
I'll tell you what, though, it's a great idea. Because if there's something that a town in Wisconsin needs, it's to increase its reputation for having an affinity for cows. Just in case people forget that we're all about cows here, they'll be reminded each time they walk past one of the life-sized, painted, fiberglass cows.
Now, some will respond that this is art. Well, that might be true. However, the effectiveness of that argument is somewhat reduced when you consider the fact that there are restrictions on how the artists can paint the cows: "Designs that are religious, political or sexual in nature will not be accepted." That's stupid. Sure, art's ok if it can be pretty, but it's at its best when it's saying something about something important, relevant, controversial - things like relgion, politics or sex. But not here in Madison. Here, we'd like it if you just painted a pretty, life-sized, fiberglass cow.
Now all we need is a giant bronze statue of an alcoholic and the stereotype reinforcement will be complete.
What about big, larger-than-life, fiberglass blocks of cheese? I thought you guys were all about the cheese. Fuck the rest of dairy. Who likes milk anyway?
I can't remember which town it is, Jackson, Wyoming maybe...somwhere out west anyhow, there is a town that has big painted buffalo statues like that on every block year round. It's weird.
We had fiberglass fish in Richmond, VA one summer (I think they may still be there, actually). They didn't make any sense either.
See, I don't understand the cattle - this is not Austin, TX. I think statues of various drunkards in various stages of pubcrawling/tailgating would be much more appropriate for Madison.
I want a larger-than-lifesized painted fiberglass cat. A statue of my cat to be specific. Where do I get one of those?!
Hopefully they'll sell these awful things quickly and raise money. Of course, that would just perpetuate the stereotype that large painted fiberglass animals are OK.
I hope they're gone when I return at the end of the summer. Artists should protest being commissioned to waste their talents on cattle.
Indeed! It's time to rid our fair city of the life-sized, painted, fiberglass cow menace! Let's take to the streets and destroy those things.
Mr. Vice respectfully declines your request to battle the fiberglass cows. As it stands, the war against the animal crackers is back on, and we cannot fight a battle on two fronts. Especially since I'm stuck here in O-Town. In other words, your problem, not mine.
Or, I'm setting the stage for a ruthlessly wicked sneak attack...
Apparently you all forget that Chicago (a town that people practically get off just by saying the name for whatever reason) had an exhibit on Michigan Ave a few years back with the same theme: fiberglass painted cows. Apparently the stupid hippies in Madison were too stoned to realize that they saw the idea in Chicago, and did not come up with it on their own in a THC-inspired haze.