The 138th "Here is No Why" Blog Post Special!

Yes, it's hard to believe that "Here is No Why," the pointless ramblings of a University of Wisconsin law student, started just One Hundred and Thirty Eight posts ago. Through the weeks and months of this blog's existence, we've come to know lots about the life and times of that blogger known as Andy. What better opportunity than now to take a look back at where it all started, and speculate about where Here is No Why might go.

It was New Year's Day, 2006. Andy had had a great night at Maureen and Trevor's place, ringing in the new year with some of his closest friends. At 3:19 pm, shortly after waking up, Andy decided to bite the bullet and start, finally, his own blog. Let's take a look at that first post, titled, simply, A New Year, a New Blog:

Everyone should listen to "A Long December" by the Counting Crows. I'm going to go watch Harry Potter on IMAX now. When i get back, I'm going to try to unravel the mysteries of "PopoZao" and also try to argue that polygamy should be legal.

And, just like that, it began. It's almost unbelievable, but those three short sentences encapsulated pretty much every theme that would later develop on this blog. Music has been a constant theme here, as we'll see. The same can be true for Andy's love of Harry Potter and his general dorkiness. In fact, "Dorks" would become Here is No Why's greatest hit to date, with 25 comments. And who can forget all the fun we've had with Popozao. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. For now, the blog had started, but was unremarkable.

After a post in which Andy reviewed Michael Crichton's horrible State of Fear and expressed dismay at the shittiness of Popozao, he posted his first piece of self-deprecating humor: Potentially Entirely Unhelpful Analogies, Part I. This post is also noteworthy because it is one of a very few Here is No Why posts that includes a period at the end of the title. Months later, Andy would maintain that while no one understood the analogy, it made perfect sense, goddamnit. Eventually, the Superman Returns teaser trailer was released, and Andy exposed himself for the dork he was.

As time passed, Andy would come to make yet another entirely unhelpful analogy:

What i said:Something to the effect of: "Look, it's not like people are sitting their with their hands up their asses fondling their own shit."

Surprisingly, no one understood what Andy meant, proving yet again that genuis is never appreciated in its own time.

Andy would soon blog about finishing his Law Revew paper, playing RISK, and radio stations on random. Then, the semester started, and Andy revealed his undying love for the band that has come to be universally regarded as the greatest musical force in human history: The Smashing Pumpkins.

But while the posts were funny, insightful, witty, and generally of excellent quality, something vital was missing: reader interaction. The comments section sat underused. Here is No Why was being read, but no one was writing back! This was an entirely unacceptable state of affairs, given that Andy had once said "I live for comments!" But the lack of comments would all change when the topic turned serious: Of Rhetoric and Abortion was Andy's first attempt to sound out his thoughts in writing on an open forum. And as a conversation starter, it was a success. Through 7 comments, Andy and Katherine, with some input from Chrystal, would discuss the heated issue at hand and, more importantly, put the comments feature to good use. Andy was satisfied: his blog was becoming a success.

But while one controversial topic lead to many comments, another such topic would lead to comparatively very few. This left Andy stunned, depressed, dejected. It's ok, though, because Andy would soon discover that he was a Mercedes.

South Park Andy is widely considered one of the best posts of the early weeks. And rightly so: it's depiction of the infamous blogger in South Park form is flawless.

Here is No Why's first month was rounded out by the incident that gave rise to the rumor that Andy is a sexist and something that would bring blogging too close to home, a startling incident in which Andy blogged about someone, only to be confronted by that person in real life. While Andy was stunned, he realized what it meant: people were reading.

Here is No Why pressed forward into February. February started unremarkably. But then tragedy struck. Buttercup is still extremely missed in the Here is No Why offices. Smash seems to be coping, and Andy is, too.

It would be some time before Andy felt up to the task of tackling a serious subject, but when he did, it was a very controversial topic: What's wrong with all of us. In the hard-hitting expose, the intrepid blogger discussed why the entire situation between men and women is fucked up. And, at 11 comments, it became the new most successful post.

February would continue to see Here is No Why focus on rants (a rant against detaining people in Guantanamo Bay, a rant against growing up, and a rant against the use of the phrase "F-bomb") and music (Weezer . . . , a review of all the Weezer albums, The Most Amazing Thing I've Ever Seen, featuring a version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps played on the ukelele, and a proposed mix CD for Spring Break). February was rounded out by a fire and the restoration of hope to Andy after a 911 call made sure a baby was ok.

March, the third month of Here is No Why, started out with a bang:

Katherine decides we're going to drive around, which i agree to do because i've got nothing better to do and i enjoy the company. Sometime later, she gets the idea to drive to Door County, to which i am steadfastly opposed. I say "I'm putting my foot down. We are absolutely, positively, not going to Door County tonight!"

Flash forward about half an hour. Katherine has worn me down and enticed me with the promise of Swedish pancakes. Having no responsibilities on Wednesday, and loving the idea of an impromptu road trip, i am in my apartment getting pajamas, my iPod, my camera, and my phone's charger. At 3:11, we embark . . .

That's right, Andy went to Door County. At 3am. Chalk that one up to the impulsiveness of youth. But who can explain Katherine's motives? Yet another of Here is No Why's intractable mysteries.

But while the Door Country trip was fun, the highlight of March, in terms of Here is No Why, life, and road trips, was undoubtedly Spring Break. The spring break series was one of Here is No Why's most innovative and successful experiments. Let's recap just one of the most amazing passages, from Spring Break: Day Five:

The problem, however, was that the Russians were probably douchebags, but i chalked that up to their being foreigners and gave them the benefit of the doubt. More damning for them was the fact that they wore man-thongs. No one in the civilized world, or the uncivilized world, for that matter, should be allowed to wear a man-thong. I think it's actually punishible by death in some African countries. Man-thongs are, without a doubt, the worst of the various male swimwear options. I don't even think girls like man-thongs.

Man-thongs, dude.

Andy then announced his ill-fated candidacy for Editor-in-Chief, and his slightly less ill-fated candidacy for Senior Managing Editor, destroyed one of Zachar's heroes, ranted about the word Fuck again and about the "war on Christianity." The second Fuck rant is noteable because a certain passage would be perverted and use against our blogger hero in a certain publication. The original passage read:

No word is offensive without context. For example, i sometimes use the word "spic" in conversation, not in a derrogatory sense but in order to illustrate a point or for some other not-offensive reason. Let's pretend i say this: "One of the racial slurs for Mexicans is 'spic,' but i've never been called that." There's no way that my use of the word is offensive. Of course, given a different context it's completely different.So, what could possibly be offensive about referring to "my fucking car"? I honestly don't know.

The parody passage was something like:

Nothing is offensive without context. For example, i sometimes use the word "spic," as in "suck my spic." There's no way that's offensive.

The message was clear: to be parodied, someone must have been reading. March ended with less of a bang than a blown interview, but Here is No Why continued unabated.

And that brings us to April. Andy didn't win the EIC election, but he wasn't too disappointed. And the Martinez, Zachar, Ruby and McNamara skit went well at the Law Revue show. Responsibility took its toll on Andy, but he pressed forth and ranted about fakeness and dishonesty. And who can forget the orgasmic rant against drum circles? But, by far, the high-water mark for April, and indeed for all of Here is No Why thus far was Dorks.

A simple series of questions, written in the Law Review office in the late evening/early morning, Dorks inspired no less than 25 comments, a discussion of the merits of the various Star Trek series, and admissions by several people that they are, in fact, dorks.

And that brins us to May. The most notable thing that's happened thus far in May is that Andy got a job. Also interesting, of course, is that Rachel Bachhuber is second only to douchebags as the number 1 problem facing the world. And, of course, the 138th "Here is No Why" Blog Post Special.

So where is Here is No Why going from here? Onwards and upwards. Perhaps more nifty HTML will be added. And there's a rumor about Here is No Why merchandise. Will you be wearing a Here is No Why tank-top this summer? Wait and see.

In the mean time, keep checking back. Here is No Why is more than just the ramblings of Andy Martinez. Andy is just one of us, one of the people that makes up America. And, because of this, Here is No Why is really a window into the psyche of America and the world.

Yes, it started humbly and now has turned into a world-wide phenomenon, with visitors from as far away as Plano, Texas and Sun Prairie, Wisconsin. But don't be intimidated: Andy's still the same down-to-earth guy he's always been. And don't forget: he lives for comments.